Hope Hurts

Some of you may have been made aware of the fact I was voted into the top ten writers in a recent Yorkshire ghost story competition.


It is hard to capture in words the all-encompassing feeling of elation and self-worth, the justification, happiness and pride that swelled up inside when I heard the message on my home phone answering machine. The lovely motherly voice was recorded matter-of-factly, telling me all about the competition , where the final judging was to be and how I could reserve a seat if I wanted to go to the judging night…..
IF I WANTED TO GO!? Of course I wanted to go!
I wanted to take everyone I knew.
The top 10? Me?

I hugged the wife and chortled a bit then I emailed family and friends, the ones who know I write a bit now and then….
I was on facebook when I discovered that Pete had also been nominated. I was amazed. How a-bloody-mazing was that!? That I knew someone else who had been chosen too, then almost immediately I got a little deflated that I was not so special. But in a flash I was happy again that two of us from the Leeds Savage writers group got chosen.
It only took another second for me to think, I wonder how tough the competition was,,, if we both got a mention in the top 10?
I discounted that, Harrogate is renown for it’s great writers and competitive literature competitions. The caliber would be high..
Surely.
There would have been lots of submissions…..
Then Pete wrote that there were 'over 40 respondents', so I felt a bit crap about that, still, at least I was better than 30 other writers……
Oh, bugger it.
I remembered the candidates could be anyone over the age of 15 .....
What if Pete and I were only competing against Miss Prudence’s pock-faced, third form, remedial English class.
But maybe not , the Library competition competitors would be from Harrogate’s wider intelligent demographic.
It will be an interesting night out.
Heck, it’s not every day I’d go to something like this.
Then I thought, it’s a bit of a shit that Pete and I are both in the same boat .
I want to win .
I suppose I don’t care that much if I don’t, but I’d feel a bit weird if Pete won.
But I don’t want Pete not to win.
You know, it would be a bastard either way.
If Pete wins I’ll be pleased for him but I’d wonder if there wouldn’t be some sort of, kind of, discomfort, between us.
If I win I’ll be so chuffed, I know I’ll be a smug pain in the arse.
I’ll try not to be, but, well,,,,
So then I thought, probably best if neither of us win, then we can have a few drinks and dump shit on the competition and judges and share pint or two.
That would be absolutely the best end to the judging night.
So considering all angles, I really hope that,
on the night, that…


I win by a gi-bloody-normous margin,
And Pete doesn’t.
Fuck it, he’ll get over it.