First impressions. "West, is it?" She mumbled while looking down.
"Ah, yes, that’s right, Max West, I am here for an interview with Sir Thomas."
"Mmm .Was that for the Events management role Mr. er.... Maxwest?" She continued to not look at me.
"Um, sorry, that’s Max.. West.., my first name is Max, and no, I’m here for the Maintenance Manager role."
"Yeah right. Maintenance then... Look, take a seat over there, fill out this security clearance form and I’ll let Tommy know you have arrived." She thrust me a blank sheet of paper and started to peck at her keyboard.
"Um . look, sorry again, but this paper has nothing on it."
"I know", she drawled , pecking away with total concentration, "You.. have.. to.. fill.. it.. out … "
"No, I mean it’s a blank piece of paper, not a security form."
"Oh shit." She looked at me and smiled vacantly, "I’m stupid when I’m stressed aren’t I?" She left a pause long enough for me to realise she wanted an answer.
I waited too long ,
"No, not at all. "
And a tiny grey cloud shaded part of her fixed smile, which then vanished in a blush of action as she grabbed at and handed me a printed form.
I smiled back and headed for the seat, then I stopped short, paused for a minute and turned back,
"Ahhh, sorry, yet again, I’m not starting off very well here but…"
"Oh Jesus, what now?"
"Well, this is a pregnancy leave application form….. "
"Oh!, fuck fuck fuck. I hate this fucking place." She mumbled more obscenities and grabbed around for another sheet and glared at me so darkly I began to think it would be best if I just left.
A quick glance at the heading assured me this time I had a security clearance form and I retreated glad I had bought my own pen with me.
"Chrissy?" A noble sounding voice called as it passed down the hall. "Has that West fellow showed up yet?"
"Yes Sir Thomas she brightly replied." in a totally different tone, "He’s having a bit of trouble filling out his clearance form."
"Really?... Well, send him in when he’s done. And come in yourself will you?"
"Sure thing Sir Thomas" . She chirped cheerily and then reverted to muttering. "Fucking hell, like I got nothing better to do". And she shot me a conspiratorial glance that I had no idea what to do with.
The security form was two lines of print and just required me to sign and date it. I took it straight back to her desk.
"Well I don’t bloody want it." she hissed. I stood there a bit dumbfounded as she glared at me.
"Sooo, do I go straight in then?"
"Yeah, if you want." Still the blank stare. I began to move.
"Prick!" She stage whispered at me, "Of course you have to wait for me to take you in. You don’t just barge into see a knight of the realm do you? , Idiot!". And she cut in front of me to open the carved oak door, and sweetly smiling announced,
"Good Morning Sir Thomas, may I introduce Mr Westmax, he’s here for the events role."
A short pause hung for a moment before Sir Thomas spoke,
"Oh Chrissy," he laughed, straightening his waistcoat, "You do make me smile. Come in Mr. West." He waved at me and grinned, "Don't worry, I have read your CV, I know you are here for the Estate maintenance role."
Turning he pointed her to take a seat behind me saying, "Chrissy do sit there, scratch down your thoughts as the interview goes along and we can compare notes, okay?"
"Certainly Sir Thomas." She smarmed.
~
'Max, you too, do take a seat." he gestured me into a boardroom style swivel chair as he dropped back into a leather monstrosity behind the vast inlaid desk.
"Now Max, you’ve been through all our standard interviews now, today is just a, me getting to know you sort of chat, I simply want to ask you a few background things, is that alright?"
"Yes certainly Sir Thomas, anything you want to know….."
And the interview sort of progressed from there through the usual queries about education, hobbies and interests , experiences and general chat really.
"So tell me" , he paused, well into the interview now, "How do you find the weather here? A bit colder than in Sydney right?"
"Oh, I’ve got used to it now, you know, I have a puffer jacket for the colder days if I’m out and about." I became aware of Crissy scratching on her note pad behind me.
"Hmmm do you walk much, through the dales and such?"
"Yes a little bit, we try to get to different places when we can."
"Do any shooting?"
"Well, no actually. Last thing I shot was a duck with a air rifle when I was a kid." More scratching from Crissy.
"So what sort of outdoors stuff are you into then?"
"Well, .back in Sydney, all the water sports, surfing, sailing, you name it I was into it."
"Got webbed feet have you?"
"Well not quite, not here anyway, I’ve tried your indoor swimming, its not the same, you know?"
"Yes, I guess not…So tell me ,…. West, …….where does that surname come from?"
"Oh that’s a long story, Short answer is the family moved from Denmark to the USA in the 1700s and then to Australia for the gold rush in the 1800s."
"So you have Viking American roots. That’s a strange mix…"…He ran his hand through his thick grey hair and concluded, "Look I think we are just about done here, one last question. Are you a smoker?"
"No, or a reformed smoker really, about ten years now."
"Oh? Good. Me too. How did you give up."
"It was tough, I did it on my own, probably should have had help, I was a moody fellow there for a while" and even he was noticing Crissy's committed note taking now.
Yes, I'm sure". "Anyway, Max, times up, thank you for coming in. Chrissy and I will compare notes and we’ll be in touch in the next day or so…"
He rose smiling, shook my hand firmly and directed me to leave by the same door asking me to close it behind me.
As I walked past Chrissy I saw the caricature of me she had drawn on her pad. Most grotesque, I hoped she would not show it to Sir Thomas.
From behind the closing door as I walked from the outer office, still clutching my security clearance form, I heard his raucous guffaw.
It gave me little hope of being offered the job.
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