It’s a tradition
Like every eldest male in his
family, Bill had wanted to join up, to serve, to contribute, and to honour his
family’s military history. Since records
have been scribed and portraits hung, the Cuthbursons had dutifully fought for
king, queen or country. The family had
prospered and suffered equally for their resolve and Bill sensed that weave of
events and actions had bound him to continue the history. He
took a sip and reflected on the remembrance day four years ago.
The sun that day glinted
pride off the medals the old soldier had pinned to his blazer pocket. The crowd watched respectfully as he’d pushed
through his pain on the march, up the rise and into his village square. Bill could see in his grandfather’s set face
that the tears in his eye were not born from forcing his seized joints to step
forward again and again, they were the tears from the grief of lost sons, dead
friends and broken marriages. There was however,
behind the pain, still that steely resolve locked into that wizened countenance. A resolve burning him to march with his last
breath, with honour and without regard to self, all for the glory of victories
past and the fight for right. It was this
paternal exemplar that drove the continuing Cuthburson legacy of militia enlistment. Bill’s son Will had stood beside him that 11th
day, at attention, his parade uniform pressed and his unadorned chest swelled
with bravado.
Not for this latest William Cuthburson
would be the rat-putrid and fetid trenches of Europe, nor the ocean-locked
solitude and tactical blundering of the Falklands. No, young Will would be forever aware of the ditch
or mound beside a desert road, cautious of a welcoming resident, permanently
watching the back of his buddy and command.
A degree course in paranoia locked in an oven of discontent would be Will’s
lot, and Bill knew it would scar the lad and taint his life forever.
The memory of that 11 November
morning in 2008 was today playing on Bill’s mind as the BBC news banner rolled
across the screen. 11/11/08 was the last
time the three warrior Cuthbersons had shared a drink at the local, the old man
quietly lamenting the loss of his eldest son, the young soldier espousing the
invincibility of technologies in modern warfare, and Bill was there, caught
between a sense of pride, of loss and with a gnawing fear for his son’s
wellbeing. Their parting was cursory
after a few drinks, the old man was taken back to the home, young Will put on
the bus back to barracks and Bill had wandered home to his dank flat to ponder again
through a whisky clouded cut-glass lens.
All of them had shared a hug and a ‘see you soon’ back at the pub,
knowing that they would.
But they had not.
The old man had passed in his
sleep and young Will was posted to Kabul on the same day. Bill received a voicemail from his ex-wife
saying she was sad to learn of the old man’s death and despite her fears, she
wished their son well. There was a soft kindness in her words Bill had no idea
how to respond to, so he didn’t.
What he did was have a drink and remember. He remembered the fear of exocets and the scream
of air support as he had hunkered down in the grasses with the winter wind
whipping his kit . He remembered the
mortar thud vaporising half of his sergeant in the ditch beside him and he
remembered vomiting as he charged forward to the next hillock, closer to the
enemy but away from the mortar’s sweep.
It was the only memory he could still be sure of from his service, the
drugs and the abuse he had delivered on himself and his wife had in time erased
those Falkland horrors. He wasn’t sure
if he drank now to remember or to forget.
Through the whisky the
elaborate paintings of Bill’s grand forebears looked down incongruously from
the stained walls of his tiny flat. His
eye fell once more to the painting of the young be-medalled officer who had
been his father, a man he’d never known other than from stories told by
others. The husband who his mother could
not speak of without grief choking her words.
The father whose memory he had idolised and on whose behalf Bill had
gone to war to deliver a Cuthburson retribution on a different enemy.
There was no logic in
warfare, the Germans had killed Bill’s father, the Argentinean’s would die.
But they did not suffer at
his hand. It was not the war won on the
field, it was his battle lost at home.
For every life stolen in trenches, on beaches, in air and water there are
ten at home destroyed by loss, or worse, by the return of a cracked and broken
sub-hero. Bill’s father, he thought, was
in that way lucky to have caught a friendly cannon round in Ypres. The fight when Bill returned home was much
longer and less clearly defined than the mission away, the lessons learned in strategy,
defence and attack, meaningless in the lounge room. The
families of veterans may expect to be beaten or ignored but they can not expect
normality from a returning warrior.
There is no rule, no school, the soldier shall cope.
The soldier will most likely return
to war where his skills are more attuned.
Bill was not fit to return.
This last November, 2011, in
the icy rain, young Will had worn the old man’s medals proudly on his right. Father and son shared a gentle ale before
Will returned for his fifth tour, a double back to back. The young Major Will Cuthburson prefers active
postings to the alternative, and he has a legacy to honour.
So today, a warm July Monday,
Bill slumps in his armchair, drinks his whisky re-reads the banner headlines. He is not shocked, not awed, not even
convinced. He hears how it was that Syria
has had the Weapons of Mass Destruction
all along.
Nothing has changed.
Every horror or conflict near
or far, every economic or moral cause still exudes the same nationalistic call
for loyalty. With fervour and outrage, a
sense of decency, for the sake of the monarch, for peace and the rights of all
humans, Bill’s country will voice its stake.
This small and savage island will again and forever send it’s best to
serve, to suffer, to die, or worse, to return home.